Dear Mom

October 15th, 2009

Today: Brilliant, messy, perfect, late, impeccably in-time...

Awoke at 10:55 for my 11:00 movement class. I live on 83rd st. Class is on 27th st. A lot of this work is really nuanced and builds off of it self moment-to-moment. If there is a type of study which requires good attendance, I think this is it. It's not stuff you can read in a book. It's all about your nervous system and experience.

Of course, as a hustled downtown I imagined myself just failing miserably in class...by failing I mean just “not getting it”. On the contrary, despite my being 30 minutes late, I had the most intense experience of my school year thus far! I'd try to explain it to you, but I wouldn't do it justice.

Then acting class. I was so sure of my crafting. So confident I'd prepared well. Maggie shot me down. Well, in a constructive and kind way, but shot still. She actually had some positive things to say, but not the things I expected. Perfectly upside-down. I really feel like I (and the whole class really) learned a lot today. I feel good about it...

I got some tools to start teaching myself about bike maintenance and repairs!

On the way home I decided to go to a play that Pat had seen last night and suggested I see. I jumped through the shower and was out the door again.

I rushed to the subway and who should I meet but two of my co-workers who had met there by “coincidence”! We had this really fast but satisfying conversation about education and such on the train, then I zipped out to the show.

The play was really expensive and my expectations were high...all dashed to the ground. The general premise was interesting enough, but most of the actors failed at their Irish accents, indicated the whole time, were poorly directed, and the writing was not mind-blowing.

So kind of a waste of money right? WRONG!!!

1.)I learned a lot. You learn from all things right and wrong. Part of being human!
2.)I met this phenomenally good fellow named Jonas! He's friends with the three good actors who were in the show, so I got to meet them and chat for a while after the show. Then we grabbed some pizza and chatted for a good hour till we parted ways at the subway station. Seriously, genuine good person. Totally perfect experience!

I stopped at the store on the way home and found my favorite kind of ice cream. Turkey Hill! Didn't even know they sold it here. I bought some, and some ice cream sandwiches.

Arriving home, the doorman, Fernando, was just getting off work. I congratulated him and gave him an ice cream sandwich.

When I finally reached the apartment dinner was waiting for me on the kitchen table.

Brilliant, messy, perfect, late, impeccably in-time...

I feel so stimulated at the moment I could stand on my head for an hour. Instead, I will stand on my back for an hour.

October 12th, 2009

I've been overwhelmingly pleased by my New York experience thus far, but I wish I could have spent the day in Nashville today. It's my brother Noah's birthday and I wish I could have spent it with him. Noah is my favorite person in the world. He will also probably always be embodiment of “home” for me. I don't much feel at home where I grew up and nowhere I've ever lived has truly felt like a home when he wasn't there.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This week has been otherwise AWESOME! Let's see...I met Richard Kind. He came into Peacefood and was ecstatic about the place. He was drenched in sweat from a jog and just found the place by “chance”. I said he was very kind, which he was, and he said I was very kind that he liked my name. I gave him a pizza.

I just saw Mary Poppins! How fun! If you're reading this, you probably know me well enough to know that I'm a sucker for feel-good performances, and this was definitely one! I think I cried more than a dozen times throughout the show.

It didn't hurt the experience that my seat was totally bad-ass and probably worth about $100. But I didn't even have to pay! I met one of the cast members last week and she was kind enough to get me into the show. Total sweetheart and a stellar performer!

October 5th, 2009

I hate feeling like a number. Like an anonymous dot in the sea that is humanity. I think that we all have this feeling, not because of an unbalanced world view, but because as the creatures we are we are biased to live in a community of no more that 120 people. Not 7 billion. Anyway, I always felt reluctant about moving to a place like NYC because there are so many people here it seems like you could just sink into oblivion among the masses. I've found a solution. Here it is:

If you are positive, loving, nurturing, and open to any interaction in any large group of people, you immediately place yourself in a select few. If you can maintain this focus for any extended period of time, you elevate yourself still more. I would say that simply by virtue of opening yourself to everyone (not usually a natural response to such a populated environment) you place yourself in the 5th percentile of notable folks.

Am I that way all the time? No. But when I am, life works out a lot better for me and I seem to make connections with a lot more people. The thing is, if you're focused on love and on opening yourself to folks you already have so much in common with almost everyone! Nearly everyone wants love and wants to be embraced and opened up to!

Then I was talking to Chuck about how everything and everyone was so much more available here and he said, “It's not the city, it's you, but there are several million more people there so your powers are multiplied.” Then I thought about it and it seems that whatever a person is, they are more that when the surrounding population increases. I mean, we're social creatures and are generally defined by how we compare to others. So whatever you are, you will be more in a more densely populated area. New York city WILL expand your youness.

YOU x 12 Million = Crazy Shit.

Speaking of crazy, my day was all kinds of it.

AM:

Yoga Practice, Voice and Body Warm up

Unexpected Skype call from Anna in London...Relationship issues; it seems the ocean is a big hindrance to any relationship and mine is no exception.

20 minute bike sprint to my first movement class. 2 HOURS OF AWESOME CLASS.


PM:

Lunch

3 hours of stellar acting class.

Phone call from Anna. Continuation of relationship negotiations. Splitifacation. Semi-suck fest.

20 minute bike sprint uptown.

My first tap dance lesson ever! It was so awesome/fun/cheap and totally a breeze!

Stopped by Peacefood and said hi to everyone, super good vibes, healing times. Checked email...Mary Poppins emailed me! What fun!

Then I got paid. I always forget about payday. ...more than I expected. Perfect!

Text from my good Nashville friend Perry “I'm at the living room on ludlow in manhattan!”

Seriously? How could this explosion of a day fit any more anything into it? I took the subway. I usually bike. Hung out with perry and had a wonderful time. Perry is one of my best friends in this world.

Headed home. Subway from my stop was shut down so I had to go the wrong direction to go the right direction. Who do I run into on the subway? Chris from the band Barcelona and John from Relient K! These are both guys I know from my stint with Lovedrug. I had lunch with Chris and his bandmates in seattle the day after playing with them in 2006 and I stayed at Johns singers house a lot when I was in ohio between tours.

When they walked onto my car I thought, “I totally know these guys.” and it took me about 4 minutes to nail it down.

Life is, at once, fucked up, and nine kinds of wrong, and beautiful, and perfect, and completely elegant, and still a train wreck.

I love this shit. Goodnight.

Bath Time With Nine-Dimensional Beings

October 1st, 2009

George stood at the bathroom door and called for me. I said he could come in. He pushed the door open, stepped inside and looked around. I was taking a hot bath. Initially he seemed a bit uncomfortable about disturbing me, but then seemed to relax. He leaned over the edge of the bathtub and put his hand on my shoulder softly and with genuine sincerity said,

“Meow”.

George is a cat.

Cats have an eerie kind of way about them. Endearing and yet distant. Something about their demeanor seems very human. I have almost always imagined cats as being vastly intelligent creatures, as clever or even more clever than humans. An explanation of their apparent lack of sophistication? I think cats exist primarily in another plane of perception and are much larger and gifted than the parts that we witness. The “cats” we see are just appendages “leaking through” into our three-dimensional sphere. Conversely, I think it's possible that we leak through into other planes and appear much less impressive there. Or maybe is some planes we're much more impressive than in this one! I guess it that were the case you'd have to deduct that inter-planal consciousness is not possible, otherwise we would be aware of our bigger selves... but then, maybe some people are.

By this rationale it's feasible that we appear as cats in one of our alternate planes, and that cats appear as humans in one of their alternate planes. It would also be possible that all creatures take on all forms, given the proper alignment relative to the plane in which they're perceived. It would then also stand to reason that all creatures and objects could be exactly the same and only appear to be different because we witness a different “cross-section” of their being.

A mosquito, a cat, a dog, a human, a whale, a bird; all different cross-sections of identical creatures.

Different cross-sections of the same ONE creature? Or shan't I dare venture into mysticism?