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It's my birthday...

Somebody buy me a minolta x-370. Mine broke.

I'm going to go crazy.

Sometimes I feel worthless. I sit in my room. I try to make songs. I make what are probably mediocre songs at best at this point. I try. I try hard. I work three days a week at a bar. I hate bars. I hate alcohol. I come home and make songs on a guitar. God, I'm bored of fucking guitars. I'm bored of music. I love music. These statements are both very true.
I don't even REALLY know what I'm trying to do exactly. Why am I doing what I'm doing? I guess maybe I'm just coasting on auto-pilot? I've always worked hard on whatever I'm doing because I believe in it %100 percent. Something about the last year of my life has taken away my belief. I'm still working hard, but I don't know why, and I feel myself coming to what seems like my wits end.
Mostly I've just been trying to stay busy to avoid thoughts like this, but I'm honestly obsessed with whatever it is that I don't know that I want to be doing that I'm not doing pretty much all the time.

Thoughts?

Indiana, Indiana

I know a mechanic in Indiana who does good work for a lot lower price than most. Whenever I'm having some relatively involved repairs done on my van I bring it up here and have him work on it. Two weeks ago I called him and asked if I could get the thing worked on the following monday/tuesday. He said he's fit me in, so I drove the thing up the Anderson, Indiana. Ben also rode up with me from Nashville because his parents (who live in chesterfield indiana) had bought him a car and he needed to pick it up.

Long story short, dave (the mechanic) didn't have my vehicle fixed by the time I needed to be back in Nashville, so I rode back down with ben so I could at least avoid losing my job. Sunday spent $70 in fuel as ben and noah brought me back up here to pick up my vehicle which was supposed to be finished by monday. Of course, it wasn't and still isn't. It's wednessday morning. I need to be at work in Nashville this evening. I'm worried.

Now, I let the mechanic know when I needed my vehicle by and he said it would be done. Then again, I've heard that before, so I have no reason to believe it.

Anyway, it has been nice spending some time here with my family and my dear friend conrad. We've been playing basketball, riding bikes, swimming (four times I think), and playing music on the front porch. I went to the county 4-H fair last night and checked out my brother's projects. Both Josh and Gabe won Champion in their photography divisions. That's pretty neat.

Anderson isn't all that bad in the summer and actually offers some things you can't get elsewhere. You just have to make lists and keep yourself busy. Have to keep your mind and you body moving or you'll get stuck. There's something about momentum. This is true anywhere, but perhaps moreso here.

Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb is one of my favorite songs ever.

This is a post for Kevin

Sometimes, when I'm driving back and forth between Nashville TN and Anderson IN, I think about life. And when I think about life, I think about my friend Kevin, (or Kev Kev as I call him affectionately.) Nothing in particular, just general thoughts about Kevin. I wonder what he's doing, or wearing, or thinking about...

And then I go on and do something else for a while before my mind drifts back to my two main passions: Kevin and this blog.

This is my whole family.

A Bob Dylan Song

Oh my name it is nothin'
My age it means less
The country I come from
Is called the Midwest
I's taught and brought up there
The laws to abide
And that land that I live in
Has God on its side.

Oh the history books tell it
They tell it so well
The cavalries charged
The Indians fell
The cavalries charged
The Indians died
Oh the country was young
With God on its side.

Oh the Spanish-American
War had its day
And the Civil War too
Was soon laid away
And the names of the heroes
I's made to memorize
With guns in their hands
And God on their side.

Oh the First World War, boys
It closed out its fate
The reason for fighting
I never got straight
But I learned to accept it
Accept it with pride
For you don't count the dead
When God's on your side.

When the Second World War
Came to an end
We forgave the Germans
And we were friends
Though they murdered six million
In the ovens they fried
The Germans now too
Have God on their side.

I've learned to hate Russians
All through my whole life
If another war starts
It's them we must fight
To hate them and fear them
To run and to hide
And accept it all bravely
With God on my side.

But now we got weapons
Of the chemical dust
If fire them we're forced to
Then fire them we must
One push of the button
And a shot the world wide
And you never ask questions
When God's on your side.

In a many dark hour
I've been thinkin' about this
That Jesus Christ
Was betrayed by a kiss
But I can't think for you
You'll have to decide
Whether Judas Iscariot
Had God on his side.

So now as I'm leavin'
I'm weary as Hell
The confusion I'm feelin'
Ain't no tongue can tell
The words fill my head
And fall to the floor
If God's on our side
He'll stop the next war.