Last nights show...Eh...could have been better. We played pretty loosely and it was all pretty akward. Peoples came out though and seemed to love it, so that was cool.
Today was a beautiful day. I drove for a good 7 hours. It's all been Colorado and Wyoming. I have never seen such beautiful scenery in my life. Mountains and hills that seem to go on forever. It was really something magical. We listened to The Wall and Dark Side of the Moon back to back and I was moved to tears. I like things.
Later...
Nothing brings back feelings from another time like U2's album Unforgetable Fire. I just found it on Dave's ipod. I'm listening to it as I write. I have to say, It's almost hard to listen to. I have VERY strong memories connected to this album. Kevin gave it to me when I first moved to Nashville nearly 4 years ago. I listened to it and nothing else the whole summer of 2002. That summer was my first experience outside of my parents home. My first self-sought home. My first self-sought friends. My first experience completely outside of any structure I had ever known. These were huge experiences for me. I wouldn't realize how big until they were over. That's always the way.
All summer I was working at Cafe Coco as a busser. I would get off work at 4 AM and go to bed. I would wake up at 11 from the heat. You see, I had no air conditioner and that summer was exceptionally hot. I remember I would simply walk out to my van and drive to my friend peter's pool. It was across town and still is, but is my favorite pool to swim at. I remember showing up at peter's several times a week at about noonish and waking him up to go swimming with me. We'd have great long conversations about God, life, girls, and whatever else happened to pop into our heads. I was also playing rocknroll with kevin and luke at that time in the band Holy Holy. We were pretty much convinced that we were merely months away from making a living as a band. I know a lot of things in my head at that time were wrong, or at least unfounded, but I don't care.
The experiences I had in my head were so powerful and left such a distinct impression, I will never forget that time. In retrospect it was one of my favorite phases in this crazy world. But then, I suppose every time has it's own feelings and they are all so interesting it would be crazy to say that they aren't all equally as special in some way.
Here I am three and a half years later. I've fallen in love, fallen out of love, back in, and floated somewhere in between. I've lost friends. I made new friends. I've seen a whole social structure crumble and new ones emerge. I've gone on tour with bands. I've experienced band break ups. I've experienced a broken heart. I've cried for sadness, joy, and sheer beauty. I've seen the place I called home for 3 years torn to the ground. I've spent time with people who love me and I've neglected them. I've learned a lot about humans, and a small portion of what there is to learn about myself. I've used people and been used. I've invested in peoples lives and they have in turn invested in mine.
I can't say that the experiences of the last 4 years have added up to some devine message, or that I could even really share a shred of wisdom I've earned, but I can say that everything that has happened is very special to me and I cherrish all of it.
Currently, I'm riding in a van somewhere in Utah or something with 3 fellas I met a few weeks ago. That's what I'm doing with this month of my life. Today We drove straight west and I saw mountains for the first time in my life while crying tothe music of pink floyd. How could I possibly think that this time won't hold an equally special spot in my memories and my heart? It will. It will simply require the time it takes to turn an experience into a legend in the mind of a human.
Thanks for all this.
Sigh...words don't equal what I'm feeling. They just point in the general direction of the thing that can't be put into words.
